Wake Up!!!

Arise, awake, and stop not till the goal is reached. 
- Swami Vivekananda

Wake up!

Again. 

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

For the past few months, my Soul has been stuck in a certain kind of stupor that is akin to being in deep slumber - unconscious, lethargic, slothful and on the brink of failure.  I have been living every single day of my life for the past few couple of months trying too hard to go back into that state of grace which I have deliberately shunned in exchange for temporal zings and the only effect that has manifested in this plane is the domino effect -- one tile was pushed down, then everything else just collapsed.

I am being true to myself -- I am honestly in denial of the black hole I have pushed myself into.  The brilliance of my star is being sucked by the black hole yet I push through the days with minimal effort in order to keep things in order or at least appear in order to those who are not completely aware of the real situation.  I am happy and grateful that there had been wonderful things happening for the past few months but the inner recesses of my Soul does not want mere happiness; it misses the pure light of joy that used to dwell in it not too long ago.

animation from Wikipedia

I do not need to write down all the gory details of my self-inflicted kamikaze black hole demise because it would take too many adverbs and adjectives to fully grasp the scope of the destruction.  I have not been okay but I continually meditated and visualized that I was okay hoping that the wheel of fortune will turn and things will work out to my favor. However, since I have not fully accepted the sorry state that I have driven myself into, I have not fully recovered and I am still in constant struggle with the inner demons I have longed to vanquish. As I am writing down the words on this post, I can say I have finally accepted the reality of my situation and I am embracing every bit of it with all of my heart.  Acceptance is among the first steps toward true liberation.  

I am not perfect. I am marred, flawed, grotesque and far from the beauty of the spark I originally came as on this plane.  However, I am striving and I am trying to fulfill the duty I have made an oath on as a bearer of the Light.  This current existence is not something that should be spent on suffering but should be wisely revered for the Awakening that awaits.  All circumstances that may not seem too favorable must not be seen merely as obstacles but challenges that bring lessons that lead to the mastery of the Self and to the liberation of the Soul.

Image source

I am moving away from the black hole.  I will rise and not stop until I reach my goal -- Illumination!!!

So mote it be!

Learn From Your Own Experience

Learn from other people's experiences, BUT learn more from your own....

I remember I once told that to one of my friends.  The line just crossed my head again after reading old posts from this blog.  I had been (and in some ways, still am) influenced by others and I am thankful for what I have learned and still am learning from them.  I believe that at this point, I just have to learn more on my own and find my real purpose.

Mysticism requires effort and experiences on the Self in order to know God.  It's better that I learn more from my own experiences, right?

The Star

Angela's Personal Tarot Card for Monday, September 19th, 2011:

The Star

This Tarot Deck: Sacred Rose

General Meaning: What has traditionally been known as the Star card is about reconnecting one's Soul with the Divine -- the transcending of personality, family, community and reputation. It has to do ultimately with the freedom to be one's Self. The Soul is responding to celestial influences -- forces that can provide the personality with a stronger sense of purpose. The Star card helps us to remember our exalted origins and our attraction to a Higher Union.


This card could also be called the "Celestial Mandate" -- that which refers us back to our reason for being, our mission in this lifetime. The Star reminds us that, in a sense, we are agents of Divine Will in our day-to-day lives. If we let go of the idea that we are supposed to be in control, we can more easily notice and appreciate the synchronicities that are nudging us along. In this way, we become more conscious of the invisible Helping Hand, and we better understand our place within -- and value to -- the larger Cosmos.  from Tarot.com

 Another week is up ahead and I got an aching head.  Jeez...I'm rhyming am I not? If it is the mandate of the Cosmic that I must pursue my so-called mission, then I guess I must go on with what I got in mind.  It's not going to be easy but the stars are on my side and "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!"

I Am Your Rose

Meditative Rose (Rosa Meditativa) 1958 

by Salvador Dali

I am closest to You my Beloved when the rest of the world shuts me out.

Every verse of a poem I ponder on, every stroke of a painting from my brush, comes to life with Your breath.

Forgive me for forgetting that I am your co-Creator and it is my duty to fulfill Your creation by using what You have bestowed upon me.

Forgive me for treading on paths which are not mine to tread yet thank You for helping me get back on track through the help of other co-Creators like me.

I am humbled by the challenges You have placed on my path; however, I am grateful for them since they bring out the best of You that is in me.

I am still but a bud, wary of what is to come when my petals unfold; but when I become a rose in full bloom, even if it will only last a moment, I know I will experience joy unsurpassed since I will know then that I am Yours forever.

- AMP

1: The Magician

Angela's Personal Tarot Card for Monday, September 5th, 2011:
The Magician
This Tarot Deck: Cat People

General Meaning: Traditionally, the Magus is one who can demonstrate hands-on magic -- as in healing, transformative rituals, alchemical transmutations, charging of talismans and the like. A modern Magus is any person who completes the circuit between heaven and Earth, one who seeks to bring forth the divine 'gold' within her or himself.


At the birth of Tarot, even a gifted healer who was not an ordained clergyman was considered to be in league with the Devil! For obvious reasons, the line between fooling the eye with sleight of hand, and charging the world with magical will was not clearly differentiated in the early Tarot cards.


Waite's image of the Magus as the solitary ritualist communing with the spirits of the elements -- with its formal arrangement of symbols and postures -- is a token of the freedom we have in modern times to declare our spiritual politics without fear of reprisal. The older cards were never so explicit about what the Magus was doing. It's best to keep your imagination open with this card. Visualize yourself manifesting something unique, guided by evolutionary forces that emerge spontaneously from within your soul.

I AM The Magician.  I AM in control of MY game... My Will is powerful, I can do anything I desire.

Selective Amnesia

If You Forget Me 

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

- Pablo Neruda

It is the first day of September and I am not sure if I am really glad it has finally arrived.  I want to go into a deep slumber but the circumstances surrounding me require me to be more alert.  I want to forget some things that I wish didn't happen but since I can't get rid of what has already transpired in the past, I might as well deal with them NOW in the PRESENT so they wouldn't bother me anymore in the future.

I was only looking for a certain file in my folders when I came across a copy of this poem.  This is one of my favorites from Neruda and it seems like it's the Cosmic's reply to what's going on in my head.  My dearest friend Memory is speaking to me through these lines.  Maybe she doesn't want to be put in the recycle bin of my otherwise junk-infested brain.  Yes Memory, I will never forget you and all your little friends whom you always carry with you in your bosom.

Who Am I?

If I were an alien I'd look like this! hahahahaha!
Made this drawing more or less 5 years ago.

Who am I?  I dozed off and had a weird dream.  I dreamt that I looked into a mirror and what I saw was a reflection of a being that is too grotesque to be human.  Are aliens real after all?  Am I one of them???? Hahahahahahaha!

Are you one of us?