Dear God

Dear God,

How are You?  I am sorry for not being able to connect with You every moment.  I am trying to dwell in Your presence as often as I can but as You know, I am still on the process of shedding off the veils that hinder me from looking directly to You.

These past few months had been, by far, the most challenging of my earthly existence and I couldn't have made through each day if it weren't for Your Grace.  I am grateful that even though I have my shortcomings, I am still guided by Your Light and Love.

Thank You for putting all the challenges and people on my Path for without them, I wouldn't be able to learn more about You and mySelf.  Thank You for all the joy and sorrow that went together hand-in-hand with me on this journey for without them, I would not have learned what I have learned.

Thank You for giving me another day to dwell in Your Light...

I AM coming Home.  Please wait for Me.


I love You God.  Very much...

The Shaman

It was one of those seemingly uneventful starless nights when all that was visible amidst the dark backdrop was just the Moon, pregnant with light. I had been chasing a wild animal yet I was stopped in my tracks because as I was gaining speed and about to let go of my bowstring, the animal’s eyes flashed with reflected moonlight and caught me off guard. The beast ran away into the woods and I stood on that bare spot, dazed and dumbfounded. I then felt a sudden pain in my chest, as if I have been hit by my own arrow but I wasn’t. I didn’t know what to do so I decided to retreat and go home.

While walking and chasing my dark shadow, I felt again the unbearable pain in my chest and heard the incessant throbbing of my heart. I believed that I would collapse and lose my consciousness if I could not get to the tribe shaman’s tepee sooner. As I followed the trail of smoke that distinctively arose from his tent, I was surprised to see him come out of it and greeted me with his open arms. Teary-eyed, I was moved. It was like coming home to a father, even though he was not. Every person in our tribe treated him like he was our father and he in return treated all of us like his own children. Being the father we saw him to be, he must have felt my presence from afar and realized that I needed comfort that’s why I sought him.

He parted the entrance to the tepee and led me inside. There was a small pot hanging on top of the flames and he went to it, poured out the piping hot liquid into a wooden cup, and ordered me to drink. I followed his order hastily and I almost burned my tongue; I barely tasted the concoction of herbs which almost instantly made me feel a little bit better. He ordered me to sit down and I found my way to the block of wood where I always sat whenever I went there for a visit. He on the other hand, sat at the center of the Circle, beside the fire, where the flames reflect the Wisdom in his eyes.

“My child, I know that you are aware why you are feeling this way…and it’s not because you have failed to conquer what you have been chasing. You are not like most women in this village and you have proven that time and again, sometimes to the extent of becoming the subject of idle chit-chat among your peers. They will never understand you unless you will let yourself be understood. However, you don’t owe anybody an explanation of how you became who you are. I just want to remind you though that most of the troubles you are experiencing now are rooted inside of yourself. Don’t you think it is better that you slow down and maybe reflect for a while on what you really intend to do in your life? Have you ever thought of doing less strenuous work in the village instead of running around and hunting in the woods? Or have you considered arranging a union with a man and raise a family perhaps?”

I was taken aback by his questions. The shaman never spoke of those things to me whenever we had a chance to sit down in conversation. I was quite adamant and hurriedly replied, “I never thought my hunting is something people should talk about behind my back, nor my not choosing to settle down and make a family and become an obligatory wife to whoever woos me according to his whims! I didn’t grow up in a home where I felt what it is like to be in a real family. The whole village raised me and is my family, yet I never really felt what it is like to have my own mother and my own father that’s why I can’t say if I would ever want to have a family of my own. I don’t know if I will be able to fulfill that role. I am a wandering orphan, I lived my days at the mercy of those who pity my sorry state. I will not yield to domesticity just because I am a woman!” 

The shaman fed some twigs to the flame and the fire crackled as I raised my voice. He understood what I meant, he always did but the look in his eyes told me that what he wanted to point out was that I have become too resistant of so many possibilities that came my way; I may have blocked many creative opportunities and in that process have forgotten my principles. As a student of the shaman, I went to him often and learned more about nature and the spirit world as well as other worlds not seen by the naked eye. I have learned and came to believe that everything around us is the Work of One Hand and that Creator resides not only in the things and beings around us but also within us. Vision quests in the past have opened my inner eye to worlds and possibilities I have never imagined; sadly, I got myself distracted with my progress by preventing the changes on this plane from taking its natural course.

In a somber tone the shaman spoke, “Contrary to what you think, not all men are the same. We may all seem identical in your eyes but you know in your heart that we are not! Ha ha ha! Not all men are tough and insensitive. Not all men are weak and defensive. Like women, we could be complicated too but at the end of the day, we only want to rest in the arms of our beloved and feel peace.” 

I was silent for a few moments. I have never felt this awkward in his presence. I have always never felt comfortable talking to anybody regarding relationships and other related topics. Maybe he inserted that light laugh to ease the air a little bit. He then continued, “I know there’s somebody out there who tried to dance by the bonfire with you many moons ago but you ran off even before he got near you…and you’ve been running away ever since. Why? The answer is this: you are surprised that you are not the only one who knows the secrets I have shown you and you are threatened that you may be discovered by that person that you are not as tough as what most people think. I know everything about you my child, so don’t deny it. I know too that you have tried to open yourself and your being to that soul but as you always are, you became threatened that if you showed more of yourself, you will never be the same again.” 

I wanted to curl myself up in a ball and cry. I can never hide from the Truth and from the shaman who easily taps into It. I tried to hold back my tears while I tried to sit up straight and looked up to the hole where the smoke comes out from the tent. I thought that maybe if I remained in that position, the tears will not fall down. 

The shaman started talking again and his tone became more authoritative, “You have become engrossed with teaching that man how to tap into the Divine Spirit in him and around him, you have forgotten that the Divine Spirit also dwells in you and in him. You have become obsessed with teaching him how to do that and on the process, you have forgotten to teach yourself the lessons you need to learn. You have become preoccupied with the thought of helping him connect to the Source, you on the other hand are on the verge of becoming disconnected because you keep on avoiding the Divine Spirit in you to be tapped.” 

I have never expected that the shaman would talk of such things to me. I was appalled and silent. He continued to talk and said, “You have to remember this my child: the more you guard your heart, the farther you become from the Source. There are some things you need to experience in this life and you just have to let things be so you will learn the lessons that come after the challenges.” 

After saying what I felt was enough of what he wanted to say, he stood up and stood next to me. I thought he was going to ask me to leave but what he did was pick up my spear, my bow, and my quiver of arrows. He took them and went back to his seat in the Circle. I was prepared for another barrage of wise words but he kept silent. What happened next was something I never expected. The beast I had been chasing earlier, a white wolf, went into the tent and sat by my feet. As a hunter, I squirmed when I saw my failed conquest and I wanted to kill it immediately. However, as an unarmed woman, I decided to sit still and let things be. I knew the shaman would make sure that I would leave his tent unharmed. 

The shaman beckoned me to go near him and also gave the same gesture to the wolf. It felt awkward approaching the wise man with an animal by my side yet I trusted that there is a greater purpose why we had to do what we were told to do. When we reached the spot where the shaman sat, he showed us a bowl with water. What we saw were our reflections – I saw my face and the face of the white furred animal. The shaman then took out a pouch and from it, sprinkled a reddish powder into the bowl. Scentless fumes rose up from the water and he made us look into the bowl again. Again I saw my face and the visage of the wolf, but a few moments later, something weird happened to the water in the bowl. My reflection changed and so did the wolf’s. My face became the face of a black wolf while the white wolf’s reflection changed into a man’s face. 

Was it magick? Was it witchery? I touched my cheek to feel if my face did become an animal’s face and I was pleased my face remained the same. I turned my head to look at the wolf but I was surprised the one sitting beside me was the man I have been evading for many moons. 

The shaman cleared his throat and said this with a smile, “My children, the world has many questions which we want the answers to be made available to us. However, we must remember that the mysteries we seek to unfold are already inside our hearts.” With that said, the shaman stood up and left the tent. 

I remained seated by the fire and just stared at my companion. From a distance, I heard a howl break the silence. I just couldn’t help myself but smile. 

Then I woke up….

Evolution Revolution

Evolution. Evolution. Evolution. It’s just a nine-letter word but it reverberates like it is larger than life because it means so much to so many people. I, for instance, have been wanting to embrace the word, evolve, and improve myself not only in a single field but in every aspect of my life. However, the years of yearning left me relatively empty-handed, nothing much has changed and I wonder if my wanting is not enough to fuel my will to evolve. Am I really in this scheme of things where evolution is a necessity that I should not dismiss or shall I remain a lesser-being, a person with less-evolved skills or perhaps a devolved consciousness? 

Once and for all, what is evolution? My baser faculties would normally refer to a dictionary and find there a most basic definition: ‘evolution is development, progress or advancement’ of a thought, an idea, or an individual most probably. If my faulty memory serves me right, a great Greek philosopher once said that “The only constant thing in this world is change,” and he might then have referred to evolution as something that one can’t stop from happening in the natural scheme of things. If you are a creature of nature, you must go with the flow and grow! But then again, evolution may have a different meaning for every person who encounters it. 

As I have stated earlier, I am still wondering whether or not if my wanting to evolve is enough to move my will to do the necessary changing I must do and progress to become a better individual – a better artist, a better writer, a better student, a better teacher, a better daughter, a better friend, a better lover perhaps, or even just a better inhabitant of this planet. I know I have become redundant with the word BETTER but I do want to become better, and possibly the BEST that I could ever be and not just stagnate and remain a whining woman wallowing in this mediocre state that I am in. I HAVE to evolve. My consciousness MUST EVOLVE. 

I AM a student of life and its myriad of vicissitudes, and I am a student of mysticism as well. Adapting to changes not only in the environment but also within myself has become a constant struggle. My innate stubbornness to accept ideas alien to my own and to reluctantly succumb to the turn of the tides have left me somehow horrible. I am aware that I am resilient and could easily do what needs to be done on the surface but altering what has been rooted deep into my core could be compared to declaring war against an army of a million forces. 

Treading on unfamiliar terrain and going out of one’s comfort zone is something that I need to come to terms to if I really want to become an evolved being. If change is what I must do in order to become the best that I could be, then I would have to prepare myself of the most difficult and dangerous battle of my life – I have to declare war against my self, the ego, so that my true Self, the part of me that is a Spark of God, would be able to set itself ablaze and take me out from the darkness I have been lurking into for the past three decades. 

I believe in the Law of Karma which, if explained scientifically is akin to the Law of Cause and Effect or Newton’s Law of Action and Reaction. What we sow is what we really reap whether we have sown them earlier in this life or from a previous life. I believe that whatever I have done in the past are causing the effects that I am experiencing right now BUT I know I must experience all of these in order for me to realize that there is still hope for my soul. One day, I hope that day is soon, I will be able to show the world that I have evolved and become the best that I could be. I know I will be granted that privilege because I want to amplify my consciousness not only for myself but for this world which I want to serve for the rest of my life on this plane. If it pleases the Cosmic, it is done!

Another Flaming Sword

Cherubim and the Flaming Sword  
by J. Kirk Richards

A year ago, I dreamt of The Angel With The Flaming Sword.  It was a very insightful dream and all the characters in that dream surely went on a spiritual journey with me whether they intended to or not.  Most of us went separate ways and some chose to pass through the same portals.  Some may have went wayward while others played safe; there were also those who followed their hearts.  One way or another, all paths lead to the same destination.  With that dream and all the experiences that happened in the past year, this resoundingly comes to mind:

"Howsoever men may approach me, even so do I accept them; for, on all sides, whatever path they may choose is mine." - Bhagavad Gita 4:11

Last night, I heard that satsang once again - the one about the Warriors of Light.  I recalled my old blog post.  I also recalled the movies I have seen recently; most of them had swords and sword fights with knights in armor old and new.  I am not surprised that tonight, my random page from the book Heart (1932) from the Agni Yoga Society (El Morya's messages courtesy of Nicholas and Helena Roerich), is about spiritual armor.

157. The flaming sword is the ray of spiritual armor. The symbol of the swordlike ray has passed through all Teachings as a sign of the utmost rigor. Even peaceful symbols have affirmed the sword. This is not intended to represent the purpose of forcing, but a readiness to defend the most sacred. Thus, amidst the raging fire one can see a thin sword above the forehead of the warrior of spirit. It is a pity that the retention of the aura on a film is as yet so imperfect in the earthly world. Evident proofs of rays and other fires could be given.

I also recall a message about spiritual armor which I have encountered not too long ago.

Humility is finding strength in vulnerability.  Sometimes we need to take off the armour we have painstakingly put on ourselves to deflect the harsh realities if life.  We could humbly acknowledge our frailties by facing each day, stripping off barriers and buffers that easily rust, and clothe ourselves with armour made brilliant by the Light of Christ.  The breastplate of Righteousness, the belt of Truth, the shield of Faith and the sword of Will may all be figurative but they are more capable of bringing out the Warrior Within than the illusory trappings we have assumed could protect us.  Aside from these elements of the Light, the greatest weapon we could possess lies within our hearts.  True knights don't just possess shining armour but also hearts that bloom like roses.  This greatest weapon is useless with pride.  It has been said that Love is the greatest force in the Universe -- yet few know that only those who are truly humble could possess it.  - Leagan LaCapus

Dreaming of flaming swords quite too often is something that must not be dismissed.  To meditate upon this symbol is a must.  To meditate I must do NOW.  Until then...........

The Fireplace

Detail of Saint Sophia The Almighty Wisdom (1932)
Tempera on Canvas
by Nicholas Roerich

IT has been a while since she last set foot on the Master’s abode and she became ecstatic because she was finally allowed to enter the inner chamber and talk with Him. For many months, she thought that her journey on the Path has finally ended and she would not be allowed to go a step further. Nevertheless, reflecting and learning from her transgressions made her realize that everything that has transpired is a fragment of the Cosmic Plan and it is up to her to give up or keep going. 

With her heart beating in quadruple time, she finally reached the chamber portal and was left by her escort at the threshold. When she entered the door, she was surprised because the room seemed empty, she thought maybe she had to wait a while before she would be given the privilege of an audience. She walked around then found Him sitting by the fireplace, feeding logs to the golden flames. 

She hurriedly approached Him and knelt to kiss His feet, doing the exact same gesture she did the last time they seriously talked. As per usual, He commanded her to stand up and ignore the honorifics. She was so elated with the rare occasion and thus hurriedly exclaimed, “Oh Master, there You are! I am so happy to see You again! I have missed you for so long. I know that You have chosen not to see me for months because I have been lacking in tact when I talked about the things that You have said to me to those who were not ready to learn from them. I was wrong, I myself had not been ready to learn from what You have said. Now I can talk to You again and I am eager to learn more. I promise to be more careful this time. I am honored for this exceptional moment. Thank You!” 

“Ahh My child, I have been here all along, you just didn’t see Me because you have been too preoccupied in trying to disprove what I have told you a year ago. Can you still clearly remember what I have told you?” He asked her while giving her the same sly smile He gave her the previous year as he motioned her to sit with Him by the fire. 

She earnestly replied, “Yes, Teacher. I can still remember what You told me and it haunted me for many months! You are right, I had been trying too hard to disprove what You said and You are fully aware why I have been trying to fight it. I was just not prepared to face the challenges that came along my path. Everything flew by like a whirlwind and I didn’t know what to do. I have been trying to squeeze my brain dry for answers and all along, I missed the point of the whole reason WHY You told me what You said then.” 

“And what was the point?” He asked her. 

She was quite adamant but possibly, due to the circumstances that took place for the past year and maybe due to the effect of the mantra she had been seriously chanting for more than forty days, she resorted to yield and said, “The heart is where You dwell, and if I really want to become Your student that is where I will always find You. However, I have misinterpreted what You said. I believed then that what You said was quite vague and I took it seriously on its face value. I asked a sincere question and You gave me a sincere answer but I was just so blinded with many things I have overlooked what You really meant. I am sorry it took me too long to realize that.” 

He smiled and patted her right shoulder. He said, “You did nothing wrong. How you interpreted what I said was how it was supposed to be understood by you a year ago. How you went about with the choices you have made based on that interpretation was not wrong too because things were meant to happen as they were so you would finally reach this point where you are now at, so you would realize the true meaning of My answer. The thing with you My child, is that you had been too hard on yourself. You didn’t enjoy how the things in your inner and outer life unfolded because you were too concerned of what’s going to happen outside of you instead of what was to happen inside of you. You tried to stop things from happening smoothly in your outer world that’s why your inner world experienced what you have experienced. Am I right?” 

She knew that what He said was true and because of that she bowed her head. She then said, “Yes, You are right Master. I had been too concerned of what’s outside of me instead of what’s inside of me that’s why my life is in shambles. I kept asking for help from You and from the Others but I felt my pleas were never heard maybe because I was so preoccupied, trying to rationalize every single thing and not going with the natural flow of the Cosmos that’s why I didn’t realize then that You were with me all along…and You always will be!” She then timidly said, “I still have a question though, are You willing to take me now?” 

“Are you sure you want to be with Me now and become My serious disciple?” He retorted, albeit lovingly. 

With a deep sigh she replied, “In the physical world, You asked me a couple of months ago if I wanted to go with You and be among Your chosen Warriors but I said I was not sure. But I know that You knew then that in my heart I would go with You if you told me to. You did not force me to. I could have turned my back on everything and went with You. However, I have realized that You did not use force or coercion because You honor what we ordinary folk deem as free will and I believed that You still want me to learn what I need to learn in my world. During these past months, I have realized that I will be following You for eternity, but not in the usual conventional ways. You know what I really want, right? I will still keep the promise I gave You not too long ago. Lately my life became more challenging and I still believe I could give You what You want of me and my soul even though I am not physically near You. Twice I have failed to see You again in the flesh but both times, You sent Your messages to me through my friends so I could finally see You again right here, right now. I am grateful for everything. Thank You for putting wonderful souls on my path. I owe them a lot for helping me get closer to Your Light once more.” 

He placed another log into the fireplace and it was immediately licked by the flames. He spoke sincerely, “My dear child, when your friends came to see Me, I knew that a part of you was with them that is why I spoke of things I knew you will learn through them. There were some things of course which are solely for them to learn from. However, those that are also meant for you, you are now aware of. Use them wisely so that one day you could help others become aware of those gems of Wisdom too.“ 

She stared at the fire and tried to applied that experiment which gave one the power to change the color of the flames. She stared too long at one blazing tongue and whether her eyes were playing tricks on her or not, it turned into a deep violet. Silently she whispered, “I want to become a writer and write of the Path and all the glorious and sometimes unglamorous things that lead to It. I want to write from the perspective of a student who learns a thing or two from every opportunity and obstacle or challenge that sprouts up on the Path. These past few years of technical writing have stripped off the spark from my creativity and I want to revive that spark! Could You help me with that? I want to paint too! I know I could do better than what I have done before and I want to dip my brush into the Soul of the Universe so I could help others remember where we all came from. I also miss poetry. You are a poet; I hope You could give me some pointers.” 

The fire crackled and it snapped her out from her deep concentration and all the flames were golden once more. She looked at Him whom she hadn’t noticed had already stood up and stretched His arms and legs. She stood up too and expected that her visit already came to an end. 

“You already know what to do. Just always remember that I AM always with you. You may not see Me often but You know where I dwell. My face is just a face of an ordinary man, but You could still see Me in the faces and hearts of other men and women. You are already aware of this; you just have to remember and keep believing in it. Keep practicing what you need to practice and in due time you and the rest will know all of Me. Visit me again soon my child. If you will not come, I will visit you!” His serious tone then turned into a roar of laughter which somehow confused her. 

He led her to the door and made the salutation He taught her in a previous encounter and she was assured that His laughter was to lighten up her spirits, to relieve her from her drama. She gave Him the same salutation.  As the door opened, she turned and was about to ask him one more question for the road. However, when she turned and looked back, He was no longer in sight. 

Then she woke up. 

She inhaled the cool air of the morning and parted the window curtains in order to see and say hello to the Sun. She looked at her bedside table and picked up the blazing red and orange book, one of the many books she borrowed from her friends. She randomly opens a page or two every day and reflects on the first verse that catches her eye. 

She remembered that she didn’t have the chance to ask Him her last question before she woke up. Yet He gave her the answer she needed: 

150. If I say that I am always with you, will many believe it? They would even fear to believe in the united consciousness. For them, each such union is an intrusion upon their selfhood, and as such is entirely intolerable. They will never appreciate the tenfold multiplication of energy born of the cooperation of consciousnesses. But without such cooperation the entire Teaching of the Heart would be impossible. Why all details if there cannot be mutual fortification? But if this principle is attainable, then its enlargement to the full union of consciousnesses, which is called "Paloria," is also possible. But, then, how greatly can the work of those who acknowledge and have attained the unification of consciousnesses be extended for the General Good! Of course, I speak of the inner spiritual work, which the blind can neither perceive nor appreciate. 

The summons to a unity of consciousnesses is necessary everywhere, because this is the simplest introduction into the life of the heart. This is not sorcery but a physical law that can weave a salutary net around the planet. Thus, everyone who follows the law of Being can justly consider himself a citizen of the Universe.

 © The blog author reserves the rights to this story.  

The First Cycle

Hello world!  I now see you with eyes three decades old!  Hahahahaha! I recently celebrated my birthday over the weekend without much of a physical celebration but of a celebration on a different plane.  My heart rejoices for all the blessings and lessons I have received for the past year and I am looking forward to new lessons to be learned, new people to be interactive with, and new blessings to be grateful for.  Though I am very optimistic of all that's about to come my way, I am preparing myself for unexpected circumstances too.  Anything could happen so I should prepare myself and my Soul for all the challenges on The Path.

My birthday went by like a breeze.  I woke up early in the morning with a greeting from my mother and the challenge to face the day on my own.  I was supposed to have a birthday breakfast with O and A but I turned them down the night before because I already had an appointment which my mother eventually canceled at 5 in the morning.  So funny that was.  After many SMS exchanges with other friends, finally left the house around noon and found myself locked out from my errand. Since I had started to apply to a vegetarian diet since the First of May, it was quite stressful to find a place where I could avoid eating meat.  I ended up eating apple pie and fries at McDonald's and while munching my unhealthy birthday lunch I have received a message from my cousin that she has a gift for me.  I dropped by her parked car and was greeted with a big wet kiss from my niece who handed over my unexpected gift - a brand new touch screen phone!  How sweet!

When I went home in the afternoon, a thunderstorm arose and R who shares the same birth date said that we're blessed on our birthday.  Blessed we are indeed!  I didn't get to go to her birthday party since my relatives came over and brought a huge pizza and tubs of ice cream it would have been a shame to walk out on them.  A and I had a long chat on fb before midnight and swapped strings of words which I've been expecting for too long and now are finally out in the open and I acknowledge that I needed to "hear" those words regardless of how I really feel about certain aspects of my life.  

Four days hence, I am here right now writing down just some of the stuff I feel like sharing.  The other significant things are for me alone and I am grateful for all the great people and things that have come along my way.  

It's my first cycle and it's about time I make way for the opportunities that keep knocking on my heart's door!

I do hope I will be wiser and more sensible this year.  

And more compassionate, understanding and loving too.

I love GOD! :D

The End Is The Beginning...

A week before the World Convention, C and I had a conversation.  While the others thought that we will be able to rest after all the stress on the souvenirs, the play, and all the other activities and responsibilities in the Orders, we knew that the Big Night will not be the end but the beginning of more responsibilities that need our attention.

We were right.

On the night of the WC, after attending to what we needed to attend to, we both sat down at the Guru's table.  While the others were frolicking and enjoying the company of the other brothers and sisters from all over the country, we went outside and listened to what he had to say.  While the party hall was alive with mirth, the air outside was quite serious due to the topics the Guru revealed and discussed.  People who were on that table came and went; and there were very few of us who stayed until the night was over while there were some who didn't go near at all.  I wanted to "balance" my time by thinking of spending some time at the table and spending some time at the party and have fun with the rest.  However, I had a sudden "flash" of a story/event in the Bible when Jesus was in the home of Mary and Martha.  Mary just sat and listened to Jesus while Martha was busy doing all the stuff.  When Martha became pissed she told Jesus to tell her sister to help her with the chores but to her surprise, Jesus told her that Mary was doing the better thing - listening and contemplating on what he had to say.  So I didn't want to be on Martha mode that night and just sat there and listened.

These tumultuous times really need to be taken seriously.  The Golden Age is at hand, but there are forces which prevent it from flourishing by doing all that they could to to tip the scales and cause chaos.  We will be ready for that.  As required, we have to do our share by intensifying our meditation practices and doing better things in order to prepare ourselves for what is to come.  The Warriors of the Light should always be ready for the changes which might occur in the coming months.  

The Light always dispels the Darkness.  

Fiat Lux!

I Dreamt of Amarna

Trials, Errors, Prototypes

For many nights, I have been pressured to come up with the souvenirs that we will be giving away on the fast-approaching World Convention.  I wasn't the only one put up with the task but in the long run, I was left alone to crack my brains out and figure out what to make during the initial stages of the project.

Fast forward a few months later, my boss on the project said he wants something Egyptian.  Of course, a stream of ideas piled up and in the long run we decided on tablets with the faces of Akhenaten, Maat, and Nefertiti.  Fast forward a couple of weeks more, I have been bothered by the choice of designs.  A realization that came through a dream reminded me that in Akhenaten's reign, the Aten was placed above all the other deities of the Egyptian pantheon.  Maat should be pulled out from the equation and should be replaced by Aten.

I was glad that my boss gave me free reign on how I should come up with the prototypes and was given ample budget just to get things done.  We have decided to get it done with plaster of Paris and should be painted with different colors.  I had problems on how to put the base on the tablets but a dream helped me find a solution.

The mass production of the souvenirs had been paused for a few times because I was encouraged to come up with a convincing prototype that would meet the boss's standards.  One time I brought a sample still wet with paint and was told that it looked like a project of an elementary student.  I was pressured to give the best that I could give or the whole project will be terminated and the burden of its failure would have to rest on my shoulders since I did not set an organized time frame to get things done.  I was just glad that after so much pressure the prototypes finally had a seal of approval.

Now that was just the easy part.  After a week of insomnia and painstakingly producing plaster figurines with silicone molds, the cleaning part came next.  For sure I couldn't do it by myself with the little time left on the board and the boss and apprentice didn't have enough hands either.  That's the part where the rest of the team came in and though the beginning caused a misunderstanding, I am glad they volunteered to help.

It took us about three days of tiring cleaning (carving, smoothing) the plaster items before we finally had to paint them.  Not all of those who volunteered to help were experienced painters though they really did try their best to make the items look good.  However, the boss has such discriminating taste that he only wants the best to be distributed on the Big Day.  Nefertiti with her regal splendor was such a challenging lady, she had to be set aside and pulled out from the project because not everyone gave justice to her beauty.  Sleepless nights followed for painting and when we were finally done, we were tired.  Tired but fulfilled.

Amidst the tribulations and the obstacles that kept appearing on our path, we're finally done with our task.  I couldn't have done it without the souls who sacrificed their time, energy, effort, and sleep time just to get things done.  Love for God, Love for the Orders and Love for Service became the driving force of those who made the souvenirs.  May they have Cosmic blessings for the rest of this lifetime and in the next...  Now we can sleep.  

And I could now continue dreaming of Amarna, the land of the Aten in my previous life...

These folks made it into the goody bag! Bye Nef, until we meet again!

Child of the Universe

"You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should."

Enough said.  Thank YOU!

The Greatest is LOVE

1 Corinthians 13 

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 

12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Over the past few days I have been experiencing different intensities of mini-earthquakes in my Soul.  I know this is all part of the cleansing of Karmas brought about by Shaktipat and also by intense meditation, however, there are certain circumstances that are just too minute but become full blown just because of senseless trysts with the Self.

The path to higher consciousness is not easy especially if the seeker is not ready; and it could be more difficult  if the seeker doesn't have faith, easily loses hope, and vehemently disregards love.  I must admit that even though I have learned how to harness the fears that I have within me, I usually struggle to keep things stable.  Any kind of "Soulquake" I encounter no matter how intense, usually brings forth a big change in me that I usually am not ready to partake of.  However, since I must constantly live in the NOW, I must learn how to go with the shakes and Master all the realities of my physical and spiritual Self.

Love is such a very difficult subject to understand.  It is not just a word, it is an action word, a verb.  To know Love is done by Loving not only the people around us, but most importantly, Loving OURSELVES.  

I may still have no idea on what Love really is, but for sure, the Scriptures say so, that Love is the greatest of God's gifts.  

I remember the Guru saying this in the forum: "Love is the highest Wisdom."  So I guess once I'll learn what Love is and how to Love unconditionally, it will follow that I will become Wise.  No use if I try to wisecrack my brain through all these Soulquakes, I must go with the flow and learn how to let the Divine shine through my Heart.

Divine Love

Yesterday was one of the most memorable days of this year.  The Guru came over here in our beloved City of Golden Friendship and we had our Shaktipat!  Though it was not my first time, I am so glad about everything that has transpired yesterday.  If only I could go into detail about everything I would, but I choose not to as to not spoil the good stuff.  Sorry if it may seem selfish but I just want to enjoy the grace for now.

I just feel so happy right now and I do hope the rest of the year will be full of immense Joy.

Life, Light, and Love!  <3

Two

Terrible Two?  Could be but I beg to disagree. :-D

What I am aware of is that I have started this blog two years ago when I stepped into the world that I have always yearned for, the world where I will discover that the Light I have been searching for can't be found anywhere but within myself.  

Now in my second year in the V Order, I am so grateful that my life has taken so many unexpected turns.  I am grateful for all the lessons, experiences, events, and people who have become part of my life and I am looking forward to more and more lessons and blessings in the years to come.

Clean Slate

A few more days from now and this blog will be celebrating is 2nd blog birthday.  I know I have placed too many ramblings, insights, and what-have-you on this site for the past 2 years yet I feel that there are more important things that should go here.

Clean slate.  Why a clean slate?  I have been yearning for a fresh start for too long and this may be such an opportune time to do just that.  No, I am not going to delete my previous posts because they are still important--they have lead me to where I am now.  I just feel like starting anew and making more productive and hopefully more inspiring posts that may help any spiritual traveler.  

NO, I won't be revealing purely personal mystical experiences but I might share some insights which are commonly experienced by anybody who's on the path.  I won't say I am an authority in such stuff because I am only an authority on my own Self.  

Today I have realized that I know nothing and as I go on with my spiritual journey, I may be able to realize that indeed, I know NOTHING... 

Peace profound!

Wake Up!!!

Arise, awake, and stop not till the goal is reached. 
- Swami Vivekananda

Wake up!

Again. 

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

For the past few months, my Soul has been stuck in a certain kind of stupor that is akin to being in deep slumber - unconscious, lethargic, slothful and on the brink of failure.  I have been living every single day of my life for the past few couple of months trying too hard to go back into that state of grace which I have deliberately shunned in exchange for temporal zings and the only effect that has manifested in this plane is the domino effect -- one tile was pushed down, then everything else just collapsed.

I am being true to myself -- I am honestly in denial of the black hole I have pushed myself into.  The brilliance of my star is being sucked by the black hole yet I push through the days with minimal effort in order to keep things in order or at least appear in order to those who are not completely aware of the real situation.  I am happy and grateful that there had been wonderful things happening for the past few months but the inner recesses of my Soul does not want mere happiness; it misses the pure light of joy that used to dwell in it not too long ago.

animation from Wikipedia

I do not need to write down all the gory details of my self-inflicted kamikaze black hole demise because it would take too many adverbs and adjectives to fully grasp the scope of the destruction.  I have not been okay but I continually meditated and visualized that I was okay hoping that the wheel of fortune will turn and things will work out to my favor. However, since I have not fully accepted the sorry state that I have driven myself into, I have not fully recovered and I am still in constant struggle with the inner demons I have longed to vanquish. As I am writing down the words on this post, I can say I have finally accepted the reality of my situation and I am embracing every bit of it with all of my heart.  Acceptance is among the first steps toward true liberation.  

I am not perfect. I am marred, flawed, grotesque and far from the beauty of the spark I originally came as on this plane.  However, I am striving and I am trying to fulfill the duty I have made an oath on as a bearer of the Light.  This current existence is not something that should be spent on suffering but should be wisely revered for the Awakening that awaits.  All circumstances that may not seem too favorable must not be seen merely as obstacles but challenges that bring lessons that lead to the mastery of the Self and to the liberation of the Soul.

Image source

I am moving away from the black hole.  I will rise and not stop until I reach my goal -- Illumination!!!

So mote it be!

Learn From Your Own Experience

Learn from other people's experiences, BUT learn more from your own....

I remember I once told that to one of my friends.  The line just crossed my head again after reading old posts from this blog.  I had been (and in some ways, still am) influenced by others and I am thankful for what I have learned and still am learning from them.  I believe that at this point, I just have to learn more on my own and find my real purpose.

Mysticism requires effort and experiences on the Self in order to know God.  It's better that I learn more from my own experiences, right?

I Am Your Rose

Meditative Rose (Rosa Meditativa) 1958 

by Salvador Dali

I am closest to You my Beloved when the rest of the world shuts me out.

Every verse of a poem I ponder on, every stroke of a painting from my brush, comes to life with Your breath.

Forgive me for forgetting that I am your co-Creator and it is my duty to fulfill Your creation by using what You have bestowed upon me.

Forgive me for treading on paths which are not mine to tread yet thank You for helping me get back on track through the help of other co-Creators like me.

I am humbled by the challenges You have placed on my path; however, I am grateful for them since they bring out the best of You that is in me.

I am still but a bud, wary of what is to come when my petals unfold; but when I become a rose in full bloom, even if it will only last a moment, I know I will experience joy unsurpassed since I will know then that I am Yours forever.

- AMP

My Cup Overflows

Two of Cups - Love
Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot

What is LOVE?

Oh my, why did I type that down?  That very short three-word question could seem harmless but it could spew out more than a billion answers from more or less seven billion souls that are existing in this mundane plane.  Each answer varies depending on the soul's age, background, experience, location, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.... I don't know what made me ask such a question, it is actually a no-brainer... It doesn't need to have an answer because whatever answer every soul may present, there is Truth in each answer.  

A couple of weeks ago I was in my "other" sanctum (where more magickal and mystical "revelations" spark up from nothingness) when something hit my info-overloaded brain.  The sight of flowing water and an overflowing pail got the alarms in my inner ears whining and just made me realize about what Love is to my understanding.  My comprehension of what Love is may seem mundane since I have not attained anything much because I am such an indolent practitioner of the techniques which are supposed to help me evolve into a better Soul.  Nevertheless, I do believe that some things and realizations reveal themselves to us whenever we are ready to digest them in the way they are supposed to be understood.

My cup overflows....

I never expected that my three-word question of the day would be countered by a three-word "answer" and to my surprise, it is a line from a verse from the Bible's Psalm 23.  I don't know the whole 23rd Psalm by heart but I knew that "my cup overflows" or "my cup runneth over" are among the words to be found in it.  I never really connected the whole Psalm to be the answer of what Love really is but now as I am writing this and as I am re-reading it, I think they could be connected after all. (My goodness, I got a feeling this is going to be a loooong post...)

Love has no expectations...

I have mentioned in a previous post that since this year started, I have tried to live my life with no expectations.  I TRIED but since I am still full of attachments, there are times I do have my lapses.  However, every time I fall down and fall prey to my own illusions, what my friend Ai told me way back always resonates in my head -- "If you don't have expectations, you will not have disappointments." (or something like that.)  I do agree and that could be applied on all aspects of a Soul's existence.  Following that line of thought, it could also be applied on the topic of Love (what ever kind of Love that may be... Love in any form is still LOVE.)

Many a Soul have said or written that Love is unconditional.  If Love is indeed such, then it has no expectations right?  I don't know if it it may seem shallow or maybe I am just too ignorant of what I am writing about but I believe that giving Love is even greater than receiving Love.  I have read somewhere that Love is a verb - a word that signifies an action.  In order to know what Love really is, one must put it into action and comparing the giving of Love to the receiving of Love, I feel better in the giving part.  I don't know if it works the same for other people but then I am aware there are more who feel happier or so when they are on the receiving end.

I may or may not be fully aware that Love should be received too.  I want to think that I am not expecting anything but since I am in a constant cycle of looking within myself, maybe in a way, I am expecting too?  Am I?  I am still on the process of finding out but I want my answer to be: I am not expecting anything in return because I find more joy in giving than receiving.  Bahhh... I don't know.  I feel dumb for writing that down but I am not going to delete or strike through what I have written down so far.  

Is Love really selfless?

For those who have become illumined Souls, the answer would be a resounding YES.  However, for somebody who is still crawling out from the dark, an amalgam of conflicting emotions could not formulate an unambiguous answer.  The trappings of a mundane human existence could cloud up the eyes of any seeker when it comes to a point that a crystal clear affirmation is required of such a creepy question.  Yes, creepy.  It is a magnanimous question that requires a genuinely humble answer and at this state, I could not say that Love is indeed selfless.  

The world is more complicated now than it had been before.  People of ancient times were more intelligent than us even though they had simpler lives.  Nowadays most of us have made our own lives complicated and some of us are too stupid to figure out that we have the power to change our lives and our Selves.  Change is the only constant thing in this world and we can't escape from it however, some of us love clinging on to our old ways and selves, we'd rather stay in the dark than become enlightened.

One challenge for somebody who has been in the dark for too long is to accept change and to embrace the light and everything that comes with it whether they may be good or bad.  Shakespeare's Hamlet said that "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so," and I agree with that.  How one thinks or processes perceptions makes something good or bad.  For somebody like me who still has not "slain" the Ego, anything overwhelmingly humbling is not good on my list.  I believe I need to get my Self straight because I am not drunk at the moment.  Oh well, maybe I am drunk -- with the most recent blows and arrows I have received from the Cosmic.

When you are full due to your own efforts, you will never be empty when you are by yourSelf...

Let's revert to the main reason why I am typing the minutes away composing this post instead of finishing my articles.  The realization that when one learns to Love oneself in spite of one's faults and imperfections has been very humbling.  A lot of people nowadays are seeking Love from outside of themselves.  Every Soul having a human experience must have been programmed to feel that way.  I have felt that way too and I am trying no to be like that anymore but there are times in deep meditation when I am confronted with the faults within myself that I have been trying to throw out as junk.  Well hello, hello!  I am so stupid to forget that whatever junk I throw out to the Cosmic will surely come back to me and hit me in the face!  

A striking "revelation" it was when I saw the pail overflow with water.  A pail is a vessel, like a cup, it holds in water.  Water is the element that is usually associated with emotions, compassion, healing, psychic abilities and intuition as well as Love.  In magick, the tool or weapon that accompanies water is the cup.  In Tarot, the Suit of Cups is associated with water.  

If  I am allowed to use the symbolism of the image of the Two of Cups above, I could somehow connect it with that "realization" a couple of weeks ago.  We people are the cups, and water is Love.  Since most of us live a rather "empty" existence, we'd be glad if somebody would fill up our cups for us.  We can't deny it that some of us would just want to receive Love from others and not do our parts.  That's the problem; whenever there will be nobody to fill up that emptiness, we run dry and become parched, and become discontented with everything that comes our way.     

The quest for restoring the Self begins...    

When we have run dry, we could not stay too long in that state.  We become unsatisfied and time will come when we will search for water.  Only the dead would not want to quench that thirst.  Those who still cling on to dear life would want redemption from such a sorry state and try to LIVE.  But then, what is life if Love is not present?  Should we go on searching for other people to fill in our cups in order to make us feel alive again?  NO.  Not really... Maybe...

The answer really depends on every person.  However, the realization that hit me on this long and arduous process of putting some sense into mySelf made things a bit clearer than they were.  The answers to my questions are at hand all along.  What most people say is indeed true that we don't need to look far away for the answers to our questions; sometimes, the questions themselves are the answers!  

Self-Love is not a new concept but it breaks the barriers to the old notions that selfishness brings.  Loving the Self does not necessarily mean that you shut yourself out from others because you are better off on your own.  Loving the Self could mean giving the Self a chance to have a human existence that could help the Self learn and become free from ignorance.  The purpose why we are here in this world is to LEARN and through learning, we burn old karma, and eventually liberate our Souls from another round of crap.

We fill our own cups but we must first tap into The Source...

Yes, that is the sad reality that we must face - we fill our own cups!  If we don't learn how to Love ourSelves, who would bother sharing their Love to us? Accepting our own faults, transgressions, and imperfections and learning to Love who we really are is one step towards Self-realization.  The best friend and worst enemy we could ever have in this world is the outer Self and it would take a lot of pride-swallowing in order to make amends with that Self we consciously and unconsciously destroy so the real inner Self could emerge.

When we learn to Love ourSelves and we learn to fill our cups with the waters of Love, we will not be empty anymore.  Now where or what is this fount, this source of Love that we could get the water from to fill our cups?  Others may react to what I am about to write down or say but well, this is how it came to me.  This is the "answer" I have painstakingly repressed:  GOD.  The Source.  The Creator. Divine Love.  The Cosmic.

I have distanced mySelf from The Source for the longest time and when that day came when I have asked if I am still a part of all this Creation, I have been welcomed with a warm embrace.  Like a lost lamb, I have been led back into the fold and given the chance to appreciate the grace freely given to those who seek it.  

Following this stream of consciousness, this is where some lines of Psalm 23 come in as relevant.  

"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my Soul."  The waters are there, so still and my Soul will be restored, I need not seek for anything else... All I need to do is drink and have my fill!  It's so easy but most of the time I falter and become lazy, I fail to put water in my cup!  

"In the presence of my enemies you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." As I have mentioned above, the worst enemy one could have is the outer Self or to put it bluntly, the Ego.  Our Egos are very powerful and strong in keeping us away from The Source and from our real inner Selves.  It is quite a struggle to accept our "enemies" but whether we win over them or not, as long as we try to let our true Selves come out and become who we are supposed to be, The Source will still give us grace and Love, and with that grace and Love, our emptiness will be dispelled.  All we need to do is do what we are supposed to do, and fill our cups on the process so that we don't need to search for that Love and grace from other sources.  

Let it flow...

Now, since I have typed down that Love is supposed to be Selfless, then it has become a challenge that must be recognized and put to test as I walk the path to higher consciousness.  Love is a verb and to give love is challenging enough but receiving Love is far more difficult to muster for somebody who still has too much pride to swallow.  There's so much love in the world and if there are a lot who are willing to give, there should be people humble enough to receive Love.  Most of us are scared of receiving Love because we are wary that it may have conditions or expectations attached with it.  Why do we think that way?  Is it because we also give Love away but we have expectations attached to it?  Maybe...maybe not...  

The flow of Love goes both ways.  If we don't realize it, we will become stuck.  We just don't need to expect that the kind of Love we give will be returned in the same form.  Romantic Love, filial Love, Divine Love, whatever kind of Love that may be, it really doesn't matter... it is still Love and our duty as cups is to hold in enough of that water/Love for ourselves and we let it flow out so that others' cups will overflow too.  

If there's more Love in this world, surely there will be little or no room for hate and other negative emotions.


So, what is Love???

I don't know.  Love doesn't need to be defined.  Some say that Love is the greatest force in the Universe.  Some say that Love is the Law.

I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW....  I would just have to let my cup overflow!       

Chanting Om mani padme hum triggered all these stuff to flow out from my fingers.  I want to write more but I guess I'll save that story for another post...


Om Shanti Om!