Quicker Than The Wink Of An Eye

I have always loved the music of Jimi Hendrix.  There's something mystical and even ethereal with his songs that makes the Soul want to go out of the body and transcend all the limitations of this material plane.  

Last night while going home from a joyful celebration, P and I talked about my choice of songs for the night, Nirvana, Kurt Cobain, and the 27 Club. I then mentioned Jimi Hendrix and some of the more popular "members" of that so-call club.  I told P about this poem and I believe this showed the mystical side of Jimi.  In the 2008 edition of "'Scuse Me While I Kiss The Sky Jimi Hendrix: Voodoo Child" by David Henderson revealed aspects of Jimi's life and death and I believe the theory that he may have been murdered. Nevertheless, I still love this last poem written by Jimi on 17 September 1970, a day before he passed away.

The Story of Life

by Jimi Hendrix

The story of Jesus

so easy to explain

After they crucified him,

a woman, she claimed his name

The story of Jesus

the whole bible knows

went all across the desert

and in the middle, he found a rose

There should be no questions

there should be no lies

He was married ever happily after

All the tears we cry

No use in arguing

all the use to the man that moans

When each man falls in battle

his soul it has to roam

Angels of heaven

flying saucers to some,

made Easter Sunday

the name of the rising sun

The story is written

by so many people who dared,

to lay down the truth

to so very many who cared

to carry the cross

of Jesus and beyond

We will guide the light

this time with a woman in our arms

We as men

can't explain the reason why

the woman's always mentioned

at the moment that we die

All we know

is God is by our side,

and he says the word

so easy yet so hard

I wish not to be alone,

so I must respect my other heart

Oh, the storyof Jesus is the story

of you and me

No use in feeling lonely,

I am searching to be free

The story of life

is quicker

than the wink of an eye

The story of love

is hello and goodbye

Until we meet again

I Dreamt of Amarna

Trials, Errors, Prototypes

For many nights, I have been pressured to come up with the souvenirs that we will be giving away on the fast-approaching World Convention.  I wasn't the only one put up with the task but in the long run, I was left alone to crack my brains out and figure out what to make during the initial stages of the project.

Fast forward a few months later, my boss on the project said he wants something Egyptian.  Of course, a stream of ideas piled up and in the long run we decided on tablets with the faces of Akhenaten, Maat, and Nefertiti.  Fast forward a couple of weeks more, I have been bothered by the choice of designs.  A realization that came through a dream reminded me that in Akhenaten's reign, the Aten was placed above all the other deities of the Egyptian pantheon.  Maat should be pulled out from the equation and should be replaced by Aten.

I was glad that my boss gave me free reign on how I should come up with the prototypes and was given ample budget just to get things done.  We have decided to get it done with plaster of Paris and should be painted with different colors.  I had problems on how to put the base on the tablets but a dream helped me find a solution.

The mass production of the souvenirs had been paused for a few times because I was encouraged to come up with a convincing prototype that would meet the boss's standards.  One time I brought a sample still wet with paint and was told that it looked like a project of an elementary student.  I was pressured to give the best that I could give or the whole project will be terminated and the burden of its failure would have to rest on my shoulders since I did not set an organized time frame to get things done.  I was just glad that after so much pressure the prototypes finally had a seal of approval.

Now that was just the easy part.  After a week of insomnia and painstakingly producing plaster figurines with silicone molds, the cleaning part came next.  For sure I couldn't do it by myself with the little time left on the board and the boss and apprentice didn't have enough hands either.  That's the part where the rest of the team came in and though the beginning caused a misunderstanding, I am glad they volunteered to help.

It took us about three days of tiring cleaning (carving, smoothing) the plaster items before we finally had to paint them.  Not all of those who volunteered to help were experienced painters though they really did try their best to make the items look good.  However, the boss has such discriminating taste that he only wants the best to be distributed on the Big Day.  Nefertiti with her regal splendor was such a challenging lady, she had to be set aside and pulled out from the project because not everyone gave justice to her beauty.  Sleepless nights followed for painting and when we were finally done, we were tired.  Tired but fulfilled.

Amidst the tribulations and the obstacles that kept appearing on our path, we're finally done with our task.  I couldn't have done it without the souls who sacrificed their time, energy, effort, and sleep time just to get things done.  Love for God, Love for the Orders and Love for Service became the driving force of those who made the souvenirs.  May they have Cosmic blessings for the rest of this lifetime and in the next...  Now we can sleep.  

And I could now continue dreaming of Amarna, the land of the Aten in my previous life...

These folks made it into the goody bag! Bye Nef, until we meet again!

I Am Your Rose

Meditative Rose (Rosa Meditativa) 1958 

by Salvador Dali

I am closest to You my Beloved when the rest of the world shuts me out.

Every verse of a poem I ponder on, every stroke of a painting from my brush, comes to life with Your breath.

Forgive me for forgetting that I am your co-Creator and it is my duty to fulfill Your creation by using what You have bestowed upon me.

Forgive me for treading on paths which are not mine to tread yet thank You for helping me get back on track through the help of other co-Creators like me.

I am humbled by the challenges You have placed on my path; however, I am grateful for them since they bring out the best of You that is in me.

I am still but a bud, wary of what is to come when my petals unfold; but when I become a rose in full bloom, even if it will only last a moment, I know I will experience joy unsurpassed since I will know then that I am Yours forever.

- AMP

Idasal Mo

IDASAL MO
by
PINIKPIKAN

walang hangganan ang lakbay ng diwa,
wag mo nalang piliting alamin pa.
tama na ang naka apak sa lupa,
isipan mo naman ang siyang gagala.

may gagawin pa tayo sa mundo.
pagmamahal ang sasagip sa'yo.

at kung sapat na ang pagibig,
ang mundo ay lilipad kasama tayo.


at makiramdam sa paglalakabay, ingat lang.
sakaling ikaw ay maligaw banggitin mo Siya.

idasal mo, idasal…
buhayin ang pagmamahal.

Idasal Mo is a Tagalog/Filipino phrase and I don't really know how to translate it.  It's something like "you put it in prayer" since dasal means pray.  

I have read somewhere that if you want to talk to God, you pray.  However, if you want to listen to God, you meditate.  I will do both.  There's so much going on in my life right now I am so overwhelmed I have never expected these things are happening....

My Cup Overflows

Two of Cups - Love
Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot

What is LOVE?

Oh my, why did I type that down?  That very short three-word question could seem harmless but it could spew out more than a billion answers from more or less seven billion souls that are existing in this mundane plane.  Each answer varies depending on the soul's age, background, experience, location, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.... I don't know what made me ask such a question, it is actually a no-brainer... It doesn't need to have an answer because whatever answer every soul may present, there is Truth in each answer.  

A couple of weeks ago I was in my "other" sanctum (where more magickal and mystical "revelations" spark up from nothingness) when something hit my info-overloaded brain.  The sight of flowing water and an overflowing pail got the alarms in my inner ears whining and just made me realize about what Love is to my understanding.  My comprehension of what Love is may seem mundane since I have not attained anything much because I am such an indolent practitioner of the techniques which are supposed to help me evolve into a better Soul.  Nevertheless, I do believe that some things and realizations reveal themselves to us whenever we are ready to digest them in the way they are supposed to be understood.

My cup overflows....

I never expected that my three-word question of the day would be countered by a three-word "answer" and to my surprise, it is a line from a verse from the Bible's Psalm 23.  I don't know the whole 23rd Psalm by heart but I knew that "my cup overflows" or "my cup runneth over" are among the words to be found in it.  I never really connected the whole Psalm to be the answer of what Love really is but now as I am writing this and as I am re-reading it, I think they could be connected after all. (My goodness, I got a feeling this is going to be a loooong post...)

Love has no expectations...

I have mentioned in a previous post that since this year started, I have tried to live my life with no expectations.  I TRIED but since I am still full of attachments, there are times I do have my lapses.  However, every time I fall down and fall prey to my own illusions, what my friend Ai told me way back always resonates in my head -- "If you don't have expectations, you will not have disappointments." (or something like that.)  I do agree and that could be applied on all aspects of a Soul's existence.  Following that line of thought, it could also be applied on the topic of Love (what ever kind of Love that may be... Love in any form is still LOVE.)

Many a Soul have said or written that Love is unconditional.  If Love is indeed such, then it has no expectations right?  I don't know if it it may seem shallow or maybe I am just too ignorant of what I am writing about but I believe that giving Love is even greater than receiving Love.  I have read somewhere that Love is a verb - a word that signifies an action.  In order to know what Love really is, one must put it into action and comparing the giving of Love to the receiving of Love, I feel better in the giving part.  I don't know if it works the same for other people but then I am aware there are more who feel happier or so when they are on the receiving end.

I may or may not be fully aware that Love should be received too.  I want to think that I am not expecting anything but since I am in a constant cycle of looking within myself, maybe in a way, I am expecting too?  Am I?  I am still on the process of finding out but I want my answer to be: I am not expecting anything in return because I find more joy in giving than receiving.  Bahhh... I don't know.  I feel dumb for writing that down but I am not going to delete or strike through what I have written down so far.  

Is Love really selfless?

For those who have become illumined Souls, the answer would be a resounding YES.  However, for somebody who is still crawling out from the dark, an amalgam of conflicting emotions could not formulate an unambiguous answer.  The trappings of a mundane human existence could cloud up the eyes of any seeker when it comes to a point that a crystal clear affirmation is required of such a creepy question.  Yes, creepy.  It is a magnanimous question that requires a genuinely humble answer and at this state, I could not say that Love is indeed selfless.  

The world is more complicated now than it had been before.  People of ancient times were more intelligent than us even though they had simpler lives.  Nowadays most of us have made our own lives complicated and some of us are too stupid to figure out that we have the power to change our lives and our Selves.  Change is the only constant thing in this world and we can't escape from it however, some of us love clinging on to our old ways and selves, we'd rather stay in the dark than become enlightened.

One challenge for somebody who has been in the dark for too long is to accept change and to embrace the light and everything that comes with it whether they may be good or bad.  Shakespeare's Hamlet said that "there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so," and I agree with that.  How one thinks or processes perceptions makes something good or bad.  For somebody like me who still has not "slain" the Ego, anything overwhelmingly humbling is not good on my list.  I believe I need to get my Self straight because I am not drunk at the moment.  Oh well, maybe I am drunk -- with the most recent blows and arrows I have received from the Cosmic.

When you are full due to your own efforts, you will never be empty when you are by yourSelf...

Let's revert to the main reason why I am typing the minutes away composing this post instead of finishing my articles.  The realization that when one learns to Love oneself in spite of one's faults and imperfections has been very humbling.  A lot of people nowadays are seeking Love from outside of themselves.  Every Soul having a human experience must have been programmed to feel that way.  I have felt that way too and I am trying no to be like that anymore but there are times in deep meditation when I am confronted with the faults within myself that I have been trying to throw out as junk.  Well hello, hello!  I am so stupid to forget that whatever junk I throw out to the Cosmic will surely come back to me and hit me in the face!  

A striking "revelation" it was when I saw the pail overflow with water.  A pail is a vessel, like a cup, it holds in water.  Water is the element that is usually associated with emotions, compassion, healing, psychic abilities and intuition as well as Love.  In magick, the tool or weapon that accompanies water is the cup.  In Tarot, the Suit of Cups is associated with water.  

If  I am allowed to use the symbolism of the image of the Two of Cups above, I could somehow connect it with that "realization" a couple of weeks ago.  We people are the cups, and water is Love.  Since most of us live a rather "empty" existence, we'd be glad if somebody would fill up our cups for us.  We can't deny it that some of us would just want to receive Love from others and not do our parts.  That's the problem; whenever there will be nobody to fill up that emptiness, we run dry and become parched, and become discontented with everything that comes our way.     

The quest for restoring the Self begins...    

When we have run dry, we could not stay too long in that state.  We become unsatisfied and time will come when we will search for water.  Only the dead would not want to quench that thirst.  Those who still cling on to dear life would want redemption from such a sorry state and try to LIVE.  But then, what is life if Love is not present?  Should we go on searching for other people to fill in our cups in order to make us feel alive again?  NO.  Not really... Maybe...

The answer really depends on every person.  However, the realization that hit me on this long and arduous process of putting some sense into mySelf made things a bit clearer than they were.  The answers to my questions are at hand all along.  What most people say is indeed true that we don't need to look far away for the answers to our questions; sometimes, the questions themselves are the answers!  

Self-Love is not a new concept but it breaks the barriers to the old notions that selfishness brings.  Loving the Self does not necessarily mean that you shut yourself out from others because you are better off on your own.  Loving the Self could mean giving the Self a chance to have a human existence that could help the Self learn and become free from ignorance.  The purpose why we are here in this world is to LEARN and through learning, we burn old karma, and eventually liberate our Souls from another round of crap.

We fill our own cups but we must first tap into The Source...

Yes, that is the sad reality that we must face - we fill our own cups!  If we don't learn how to Love ourSelves, who would bother sharing their Love to us? Accepting our own faults, transgressions, and imperfections and learning to Love who we really are is one step towards Self-realization.  The best friend and worst enemy we could ever have in this world is the outer Self and it would take a lot of pride-swallowing in order to make amends with that Self we consciously and unconsciously destroy so the real inner Self could emerge.

When we learn to Love ourSelves and we learn to fill our cups with the waters of Love, we will not be empty anymore.  Now where or what is this fount, this source of Love that we could get the water from to fill our cups?  Others may react to what I am about to write down or say but well, this is how it came to me.  This is the "answer" I have painstakingly repressed:  GOD.  The Source.  The Creator. Divine Love.  The Cosmic.

I have distanced mySelf from The Source for the longest time and when that day came when I have asked if I am still a part of all this Creation, I have been welcomed with a warm embrace.  Like a lost lamb, I have been led back into the fold and given the chance to appreciate the grace freely given to those who seek it.  

Following this stream of consciousness, this is where some lines of Psalm 23 come in as relevant.  

"He leads me beside still waters, He restores my Soul."  The waters are there, so still and my Soul will be restored, I need not seek for anything else... All I need to do is drink and have my fill!  It's so easy but most of the time I falter and become lazy, I fail to put water in my cup!  

"In the presence of my enemies you anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows." As I have mentioned above, the worst enemy one could have is the outer Self or to put it bluntly, the Ego.  Our Egos are very powerful and strong in keeping us away from The Source and from our real inner Selves.  It is quite a struggle to accept our "enemies" but whether we win over them or not, as long as we try to let our true Selves come out and become who we are supposed to be, The Source will still give us grace and Love, and with that grace and Love, our emptiness will be dispelled.  All we need to do is do what we are supposed to do, and fill our cups on the process so that we don't need to search for that Love and grace from other sources.  

Let it flow...

Now, since I have typed down that Love is supposed to be Selfless, then it has become a challenge that must be recognized and put to test as I walk the path to higher consciousness.  Love is a verb and to give love is challenging enough but receiving Love is far more difficult to muster for somebody who still has too much pride to swallow.  There's so much love in the world and if there are a lot who are willing to give, there should be people humble enough to receive Love.  Most of us are scared of receiving Love because we are wary that it may have conditions or expectations attached with it.  Why do we think that way?  Is it because we also give Love away but we have expectations attached to it?  Maybe...maybe not...  

The flow of Love goes both ways.  If we don't realize it, we will become stuck.  We just don't need to expect that the kind of Love we give will be returned in the same form.  Romantic Love, filial Love, Divine Love, whatever kind of Love that may be, it really doesn't matter... it is still Love and our duty as cups is to hold in enough of that water/Love for ourselves and we let it flow out so that others' cups will overflow too.  

If there's more Love in this world, surely there will be little or no room for hate and other negative emotions.


So, what is Love???

I don't know.  Love doesn't need to be defined.  Some say that Love is the greatest force in the Universe.  Some say that Love is the Law.

I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW...
I DON'T KNOW....  I would just have to let my cup overflow!       

Chanting Om mani padme hum triggered all these stuff to flow out from my fingers.  I want to write more but I guess I'll save that story for another post...


Om Shanti Om!

    

       

No Fear: The Inner Self

The Inner Self?  Who or what is that you might ask.  It is who you really are, that part of you that lies beneath all the trappings that this mundane world has turned you into.  

For almost three decades, I was like a machine that only moved whenever fueled with something worth moving for.  I disregarded that I have my Inner Self lurking in the deep recesses of my body which I have forgotten is the dwelling place, the temple of the Soul, the Atman.

In the past few months, many things have unfolded in C's awakening and her Inner Self was in constant communication with her.  I have wondered when I was going to have my turn and wake up my Inner Self, the God Within me, and know more about what I really must know.

The last three months had been significant in the sense that I have received all these revelations and had realizations that I have never thought would cross my mind.  One time when we were meditating as a group, I had the weirdest experience that I have never thought would happen too soon.  While radiating positive energy to the Universe, my hands started moving.  

Having learned from C that the initial manifestations of the IS could be very surprising, I wanted to make the movements stop because I didn't want the others to take notice of it and they might have misconceptions about it.  I wanted to stop but it seemed like I can't control it, so I just let things be and observed what's going to happen.  

As if in a trance, my hands moved gracefully and seemed to have their own wisdom that I never expected.  The right hand made weird movements, it seemed to draw circles and stuff.  The hand then stopped, with the palm outwards, as if posed for blessing.  Then the left hand started moving and even reached out and almost touched the person sitting next to me.  After all those movements, it rested on my lap, palm upwards, looked like begging for alms.

It never occured to me until about a month later when I saw a photo of a statue depicting Buddha in the same pose.  I was amazed but I never sought what that pose meant until a few days ago.  I found out that the pose my hands were doing was a Mudra - a symbolic gesture in Hinduism and Buddhism.  The particular mudra that my Inner Self performed with my hands was the Abhaya mudra.

The Abhaya Mudra is believed to be the gesture that the historical Buddha immediately made after achieving enlightenment. It symbolizes fearlessness as well as protection and peace.  I guess my Inner Self only showed me that I should never be afraid of the changes, challenges and circumstances that are coming my way.  

The other day my obsessive mouse clicking on links led me to a website about the Inner Self.  

I AM that inner self of you that you cannot see (or don't want to acknowledge) because of your boundaries, the barriers placed to the concept of your infinity and innocence, the pre-conceived ideas of who you think you are, the illusion you think you are that has been built up by your pre-conditioning, your genetic heritage and with everything that has happened to you since the time of your conception in your mother's womb.  See the rest in this website.

The Inner Self is God Within You. God is in every one of us through our Inner Self and to this God Within you give your salutations to when you say Namaste to people you meet.  

Namaste!

Color Splash!

I love face and body painting!  These are just some of my stuff... I like painting myself and the people I call "my willing victims" hahahaha!  More to come soon!

Happy Birthday My Soul

7 Nov 2009 is one of those dates that are significant in my life.  The past year went by with a blur and even though I felt like I never belonged, the Light led me to where I am now.

I am still on my journey, still searching for the Light I have been yearning for since I entered this realm in this lifetime.  I am still not perfect but I am striving to be less flawed.  I am still striving to have that diamond-tough soul with a better and more pliable heart that glimmers brighter than the Sun.  I am still lost for words when something amazing happens, amazing in the sense that I know in my own little way, I have caused it to happen because the Universe conspired with me.

I am striving daily to become a better person who knows how to live and love and spread the light to those who are sad, cold, and bitter in the dark.  I had been that soul, I have evolved a bit, and I want to evolve more.

Last year, I found the path that helped me get to where I am now.  I have never expected to strip away some of those layers I need to get rid off since they are no use of but only excess baggage.  I can say that the liberation is unfolding, and I am starting to find what I have been looking for.

Thank you Universe.

I am typing this post with my eyes closed....  I made only three errors!  I guess trusting one's intuition is better than trusting one's eyes alone...

I love You....

Infinite Sadness

Sitting still was NEVER enough... and if you're giving in, then you're giving up... cause in your sad machines... you'll forever stay...

Here Is No Why

-Smashing Pumpkins

Life Is A Profound Love Story

"Life is a profound love story...."

I heard that line in one of the videos posted in the Love Is and The Family of Jacob facebook group.  Piamaria, the one who claimed me a couple of years ago as her Soul Sister shared one of their vids and I got curious, headed to the group page and clicked on every video that had an interesting title or thumbnail.

Life is indeed a profound love story and now that August is finally here, I have to make way for changes.  I want to make more positive changes this month... I am optimistic about how things will turn out...

This is for real... When I opened Love's Book of Answers on Friday, the page said: "It is for real."  If it is indeed for real, then I am happy for now and hopefully until the end of this lifetime.

New month, new outlook... I love You!  Now I will sleep with a huge smile on my face... 

Good morning August... :D

1 August 2010

Yes? No? Whaaaat???

A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." 

-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

So what now? I am beginning to sink into quicksand...

It's almost 3am... better hit the sack...

31 July 2010

Tears On My Keyboard

"Writing is easy: just stare at the screen of your computer until a tear drops on your keyboard."

 - Paulo Coelho

=====================================================

Angela received the The Royal Order card using the Path of the Soul Destiny Card Deck

We play important roles in each other's lives. We aid each other on the journey to Oneness and Ascension. Before we can play an integral role in helping others, we have to first take care of ourselves. The Royal Order is about keeping within the Divine Order of life. Be sure to care for this physical vessel that is you. It needs to run and function properly. You have an important part to play in the lives of others, so make sure you take care of yourself first.

=====================================================

Such a melodramatic evening...why oh why?  

Phone ringing... I don't feel like talking to anybody right now... I'm crying...

I made a vow not to stay too long in front of the computer.  I better start the suggested fasting and I think it doesn't mean food fasting only but also fasting in other aspects of my organized mess....  Cut down computer time, cut down self-loathing, cut down procrastinating, cut down on other shit and start contemplating on simpler yet more important things.  The things that matter most need not be grand... 

Pride...vanity...what are you going to with them? Do they matter that much?  You know better... Humility is the purpose of your return...Learn...

It's ok...let those tears stream down your face...you can't defy gravity easily... You are human after all...

30 July 2010

Headlights

We're all gonna die tomorrow
Waiting around for your friends to come down and join you
They'll be knocking on their windows
They'll be turning off the lights in their living rooms

Don't you want to say goodbye?
Don't you want to say goodbye?
Don't you want to say goodbye to the ones you love?

People running round in circles
Telephones ring and they'll sing of no tomorrow
They'll be saying what they meant to
They'll be trying to forget what they didn't do

Don't you want to say you tried?
Don't you want to say you tried?
Don't you want to say you tried to the ones you love? 

-- Headlights, Love Song for Buddy

29 July 2010

Love

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. 
- Lao Tzu





Love is God...God is Love...God give me courage and strength...










18 July 2010

I Am I

You do your thing and I do mine.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
And you are not in this world to live up to mine

I am I and You are You,
And if we should meet it will be beautiful,
And if not, it cannot be helped.


This is the real deal... quoted from Frederick "Fritz" Perls - the pioneer of Gestalt Therapy

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.”

On Friendship - Kahlil Gibran

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.


When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.


And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.







31 May 2010

Another Soul Sister?

C is one of my newest friends in the orders and I have never expected that we will click right away.  Talked with her and S after the convo and I have never expected that we have so much in common.  Were we related in a previous life?  I am not really sure but something tells me we knew each other well...

Dissolving Karma : A Few Lessons on Humility

I know I need to learn humility...It's the Karmic lesson I have always failed to learn since time immemorial...

Last week I believe I have been given the privilege to learn what I have been trying to learn for many years. It had been quite painful since it required me to go out from my comfort zone but I do believe everything happened for a reason. I want to make it clear that I have taken on the job because I had signed a contract that I will be paid for my services. However, I do believe that no amount of money could equal the value of the whole experience I had in the outskirts of CDO.



You'll never know the value of a jeepney or habal2x ride unless you have tried living in a place where dirt roads and transportation are main problems...

You'll never know the value of a worn out futon unless you have tried sleeping on hard wood desks joined together to accommodate your worn out body...

You'll never know the value of a simple meal unless you have tried being hungry not only once but many times simply because you can't get your hands on food even if you have money in your pockets...

You'll never know the value of clean air unless you have tried almost passing out due to inhaling second hand cigarette smoke and despicable body fumes...

You'll never know the value of water unless you have tried taking a bath using less than a pail of relatively dirty water...

You'll never know the value of sleep unless you have tried staying up all night guarding something that will help determine your country's future...

You'll never know the value of service unless you have tried working beyond what you are getting paid for and having to spend from your own pocket just to make sure you did your job well...

You'll never know the value of smiles unless you have tried receiving a magnitude of frowns and complaints for reasons you know you are not directly involved...

You'll never know the value of family and friends unless you have tried being in the presence and mercy of complete strangers...

You'll never know the value of your life unless you have witnessed how some people who live in more desperate situations still go on with their lives because they don't have much of a choice....

You'll never know how to be humble unless you find yourself in a humbling experience...

You'll never learn humility unless you swallow your pride...



Pride is a bitter pill one MUST swallow in order to taste the sweetness of humility...







Belated happy birthday to me...






13 May 2010

Will I Belong Now?

I have met new members of the order and I guess I might start to belong now...  I never expected that I will be installed as an officer... I can't say no... When you are asked to be an officer, it means you have the opportunity to serve the order.  I'm looking forward to better things... I just wish I will be able to do good...

Still Searching For Deeper Meaning

It's been a while since my last post and a lot of stuff have happened already.

Had tears in my eyes fore days and made a plea to the heavens for a miracle for my cousin's wife and though she's still not A-ok, the physicians have ruled out cancer.

Continued praying with those purple beads and even though I don't believe everything about it, I can see that my prayers are being heard.

I've finally made my TAJ entry and passed the book to another person.  (More about TAJ in a future post)

I am stilll attending the weekly intensive meditation sessions of The Order and I have had my first Shaktipat experience last weekend.  Last Thursday there was an installation of a member to the higher order and it was said that we wil not have just intensive meditation sessions anymore but weekly convocations.  I'm looking forward to better stuff in the future!

My new client is not demanding and appreciates the work that I've done.  I do hope he'll stay that way.  I'm crossing my fingers tighly...

My relationship with my family is shaky and I could equate it with the feeling of being on a raft in white water.  People say you can't choose your family... However, I do believe there's a BIG reason why I CHOSE to be born in this family in this lifetime.

My friends are still around even though most of whom I do trust are miles away from me.  Friends do not need to be physically near in order to support each other right? heheheh!

I am still not making enough sense.  I am more confused than ever... I dunno which steps I should take...

I am still receiving so many signs I can't pinpoint which ones I should acknowledge first...I don't know which ones are urgent and important.  I have to figure out now....

I am still dreaming of surreal scenes, dead people, unknown people, and The Universe.  My dreams are kinda mysterious but I've made it a point not to make a big fuss about them...



7 March 2009