Wake Up!!!

Arise, awake, and stop not till the goal is reached. 
- Swami Vivekananda

Wake up!

Again. 

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

For the past few months, my Soul has been stuck in a certain kind of stupor that is akin to being in deep slumber - unconscious, lethargic, slothful and on the brink of failure.  I have been living every single day of my life for the past few couple of months trying too hard to go back into that state of grace which I have deliberately shunned in exchange for temporal zings and the only effect that has manifested in this plane is the domino effect -- one tile was pushed down, then everything else just collapsed.

I am being true to myself -- I am honestly in denial of the black hole I have pushed myself into.  The brilliance of my star is being sucked by the black hole yet I push through the days with minimal effort in order to keep things in order or at least appear in order to those who are not completely aware of the real situation.  I am happy and grateful that there had been wonderful things happening for the past few months but the inner recesses of my Soul does not want mere happiness; it misses the pure light of joy that used to dwell in it not too long ago.

animation from Wikipedia

I do not need to write down all the gory details of my self-inflicted kamikaze black hole demise because it would take too many adverbs and adjectives to fully grasp the scope of the destruction.  I have not been okay but I continually meditated and visualized that I was okay hoping that the wheel of fortune will turn and things will work out to my favor. However, since I have not fully accepted the sorry state that I have driven myself into, I have not fully recovered and I am still in constant struggle with the inner demons I have longed to vanquish. As I am writing down the words on this post, I can say I have finally accepted the reality of my situation and I am embracing every bit of it with all of my heart.  Acceptance is among the first steps toward true liberation.  

I am not perfect. I am marred, flawed, grotesque and far from the beauty of the spark I originally came as on this plane.  However, I am striving and I am trying to fulfill the duty I have made an oath on as a bearer of the Light.  This current existence is not something that should be spent on suffering but should be wisely revered for the Awakening that awaits.  All circumstances that may not seem too favorable must not be seen merely as obstacles but challenges that bring lessons that lead to the mastery of the Self and to the liberation of the Soul.

Image source

I am moving away from the black hole.  I will rise and not stop until I reach my goal -- Illumination!!!

So mote it be!